My Greatest Fear by Jeremy Thomas Holt

                                                   My Greatest Fear

                                               By Jeremy Thomas Holt

       We all have things the scare more than anything else in the world could. We tend assume that sometimes people don’t understand why those things scare us. I understand this feeling more than you know because I have my own experience with it. Now I’m going to share with what scares me more than anything. But before I do I just want to say that this i am not writing this to upset anyone and I certainly hope that I don’t , I simply wish to tell my story of testimony about how very real both The Devil and The Lord are and as always do I will not mention names. So here is my story. What scares me the most more than anything is the darkness. Not the nighttime kind of darkness but the pure evil darkness of the devil. It is the most scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was completely surrounded by the darkness and I could feel the most evil presence I have ever felt. I could only see what was in front on me like my mental vision was being clouded or obscured. I could feel laughter inside of me, and I was being very viciously taunted inside my own head. I felt a rage and an anger that wasn’t my own. The devil took advantage of my emotions, my feelings for others, my behavior, and my actions. I began to do things that I normally would never do. I did many things like pushing my feelings onto a friend of mine, getting mad at other friends because I felt like things were being kept secret from me, even to losing my patience with some of the dumbest things ever like taking a door hinge off a door frame with my dad talking to me at the same time that I normally wouldn’t lose my patience over, and I suffered numerous unintentional minor injuries to different parts of my body because I was so distracted and unable to pay attention to things. I did so many things I never meant to do because of the devil consuming me in his darkness. I’ve become so ashamed of myself for letting him get to me like this and for things I have done. I couldn’t control me behavior or my emotions because the devil had me in the worst state of confusion I’d ever been in. I nearly lost a friend because of it. He (the devil) took my emotions,  my feelings, and my behavior and balled them up and overwhelmed me with them in the most twisted sick evil way that he could. There was a point in time where I had fallen to me knees and I was so stressed, so confused, so upset, and so hurt that I just broke down completely and cried. I even felt that I was beyond forgiveness with the things I had done. I felt some of my friendships were beyond repair. But I got back up because I trusted God and I was determined not to let the devil ruin me. One day I was sitting on my bed and I was to talking to God trying to figure out why I was behaving the way I was and why I was doing the the things I was doing when suddenly I felt His (God’s ) presence overwhelm my exhausted heart and body. I felt in my heart the Holy Spirit moving and I saw a light shining the so brightly that darkness began to crumble at its touch. And the. I felt God speak to me, I really seriously felt Him say this to me, “Jeremy My son come to Me and I will give you rest.” So I began to follow His voice and His light and helped me to understand that He allowed my friend, the one whom I nearly lost friendship with, to be part of my life because He already knew I would become lost and would need a away back to Him. My friend was God’s way of leading me back to Him with all the happened between us. Though I really do regret my actions and behavior for the things that I did i am forever grateful that it lead to my finding God again. Overtime the Lord has helped me see and learn many other valuable lessons from this including lessons of forgiveness, that His plans are so much more important me than my own, and that I should listen to Him no matter what I think I should in any situation. I always knew God was there with me and though I nearly let the devil crush me I never truly gave up. I can forgive myself because those I hurt have forgiven me but also because God has forgiven me. I learned that Jesus forgives where others do not. I’ve had so many questions in the back of my mind and so many things I felt had been done wrongly to me but instead of pursuing these things I choose to forgive. I would talk to people and ask for advice and they would say well look how this person treated you and I would say well look how I treated that person. I felt that I was already beginning to have a better understanding of things because I said to myself what makes what this person did any better than what I did? So one day when I thought about all of these things while at work and thought about what Jesus would do, I looked up and said “you know what Lord I forgive my friends for the things they did and the things they said, they just don’t understand it like you do.” I feel like no one really understands what I went through in the darkness and that many people are tired of hearing my talk about this. God gave me a story and a testimony to share and that’s what I am doing here. God wants you to understand that Devil is very very real and that he can very easily break you. But it you let God Into your heart and truly believe in Him with all your heart that He sent His Son Jesus to die for you He can show you His light and show you the way to salvation. That is how you beat the devil with Gods unbeatable light. I stand Amazed and I stand in awe at the mighty power of God who found me in the darkness and brought me back into His light. I’ve grown stronger both as a person and in my faith in God. I have changed in a big way and I am becoming a better Person. I just want to be able to show everyone that change, that better person. My apologies to my friend before I began these next few sentences I hope not to upset you. But My friend that I keep talking about may never truly understand how Important my friendship is with her to me or how much she means to me as a friend. She is one of my closest and best friends to me despite all that has happened. I’d still be wondering around in the darkness had she never been my friend and been part of my life. Never again will I risk a friendship over my selfishness and feelings for someone. Our friendship is more important to me than that and friendship is my only desire. I wouldn’t be writing this story if hadn’t been you Lord and the things you’ve shown me and Taught me. God you are amazing with all that you do and I love you so much and I thank you for saving my life. Ultimately the things I learned led me to writing ✍️ my poem titled “The Light Will Rise.” In which described how the Light of God triumphed over the darkness of the devil in my life. But The thing that scares me the most is going back to that dark scary place. I can still feel the devil clawing and scratching at me trying to break through God's light. I know that He cannot break God’s light and it’s hopeless for the devil to keep trying. There are certain things that when I think about doing them now I can feel that darkness surrounding those Thoughts and ideas and I get scared away from doing them. I can also tell when I’m not myself and not thinking straight so if I’m ever extremely quiet around you it’s because I sense I’m not myself so I keep to myself so as to not cause anyone any trouble at all because I’m scared of the darkness of the devil. I am usually a quiet guy normally anyways and that’s because I get really nervous and I struggle very badly with socializing. I can stand there talk about sports and tv shows and movies till I’m blue in the face but when it’s comes to my personal life things I struggle and it’s harder for me because I have attention deficit disorder. But I know God will always be with me and I will follow His light through till the very end. I hope my story will help those who become lost in the darkness to find their way out. God please bless everyone who reads the testimony for I know not who reads my stories. In Jesus name I conclude, amen.